It's Not You, It's Them: How to Handle Workplace Bullies

Have you ever walked into the office feeling uneasy, because you’ve been the target of harsh words, exclusion, or unfair treatment?

Perhaps it’s a colleague who constantly undermines your contributions in meetings or dismisses your ideas without reason. Or a boss who ridicules your efforts, yet takes credit for your inputs. Or team members who gossip about you behind your back and to your clients.

Workplace harassment and bullying are distressing and challenging situations. But there’s something you absolutely need to hear: it’s NOT your fault.

This type of behavior reflects the bullies' issues, not your worth. Whatever their personal problems are, you deserve a respectful and safe work environment.

Which means you have to take steps to address and handle the situation, however unpleasant or unfair it is.

We’ve got 4 pieces of advice on how to deal with workplace bullies, while maintaining your dignity and wellbeing.

And remember: It’s not you, it’s them!

1. Set Firm Boundaries

Setting clear and firm boundaries is a must when dealing with workplace bullies. Establishing boundaries means communicating directly and assertively with the bully about what behavior is unacceptable. This step might feel uncomfortable (because you’re afraid of coming across as aggressive, or stirring up more trouble). But what if it makes them stop behaving this way?

For example, suppose a colleague frequently interrupts you during meetings or dismisses your input. In this case, you’re well within your rights to say, “I find it disrespectful when I’m interrupted while speaking. Please allow me to finish my thoughts before responding.” By addressing the behavior directly, you communicate your expectations and set a standard for how you should be treated.

If the other person does not respect your boundaries, give them one more chance to correct their behavior. If there’s no improvement, it’s time to escalate the issue to HR. Your right to stand up for yourself is protected, and it’s essential to assert it to ensure a respectful work environment.

2. Document Everything

Documenting every instance of bullying is crucial, no matter how small the incident may seem. Keeping a detailed record of incidents (dates, times, where, what was said or done, any witnesses) provides you with solid evidence that can support your case if you need to escalate matters.

Here’s how to do it. If you’re facing repeated instances of a colleague making derogatory comments about your work or excluding you from important meetings, for example, maintain a record of these occurrences by noting down the specific details of each incident. Note down the date, time, setting, offensive comment or behavior, any context, and who was there.

This serves multiple purposes. It helps you track patterns in behavior, gives you a sense of control, and is crucial if you need to make a formal complaint to HR or seek legal advice. Organized and detailed records strengthen your case by making it more objective, and ensure that your concerns are taken seriously.

3. Don’t Retaliate

When faced with bullying, it’s soooo tempting to want to retaliate. But doing so can be counterproductive. Retaliation can escalate the situation and may even harm your case against the bully. ‘An eye for an eye’ is not helpful here. Instead, maintain your professionalism and composure.

For example, imagine a colleague spreads false rumors about you or sabotages your work. While it might be tempting to respond with similar behavior or confront them aggressively, this approach can backfire because you’ll look equally petty. Instead, keep your interactions with the bully minimal and professional. Focus on performing your job to the best of your ability and avoid engaging in any behavior that could be perceived as retaliatory.

By handling the situation with maturity and restraint, you demonstrate strength and control. This approach not only preserves your professional reputation, but also strengthens your position when seeking support from HR or management, because they can see you aren’t the instigator.

4. Know Your Rights

Understanding your rights and the company’s policies on harassment and bullying is vital here. Familiarizing yourself with your organization’s procedures for reporting bullying, and the legal protections available to you, empowers you to take appropriate action.

Research your company’s employee handbook or code of conduct to understand the policies regarding workplace behavior and reporting procedures. If your company has a specific protocol for handling harassment, follow it closely. In addition, familiarize yourself with local laws and regulations related to workplace bullying and harassment. There are also organizations out there that advise on these issues, and can even mediate between the employee and company.

As appropriate, consult with HR, a trusted supervisor, or legal counsel to address the bullying and clarify how they can handle the situation. Being informed about your rights and the steps you can take ensures that you’re not navigating this challenging situation alone. You have the right to a safe and respectful work environment, and taking action to protect yourself is both your right and responsibility!

Read more: Have a little career check with yourself to see whether it’s time to quit your job.

Conclusion

Dealing with workplace bullying is really tough. We sympathize. But you don’t have to face it alone.

Remember that the issue lies with the bully, not with you. Your role is to follow these steps to address the situation effectively:

1. Set firm boundaries
2. Document everything
3. Avoid retaliation, and
4. Understand your rights

For additional support, especially if your boss or HR are not being very helpful, consider reaching out to organizations that can offer help in your country, such as the ones below (if your country isn’t listed here, do an internet search to find similar organizations in your location):

UK: Acas - Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service, provides support on workplace issues.

US: Workplace Bullying Institute - Offers resources and support for addressing workplace bullying.

Australia: Fair Work Ombudsman - Provides guidance on workplace issues and complaints.

South Africa: CCMA - Commission for Conciliation, Mediation, and Arbitration, offers support for workplace disputes.

New Zealand: Employment New Zealand - Provides information on workplace rights and handling disputes.

And hey: reaching out for help is a sign of strength, and connects you with the support needed to navigate this difficult situation.

You deserve to work in an environment where you are respected and valued!

Good luck – we hope your situation gets resolved ASAP.

Key takeaways

• Workplace bullying is a serious issue that affects many employees. Recognizing that it's not your fault is the first step toward addressing the problem and reclaiming your workplace peace.
• Workplace bullying is a reflection of the bully's issues, not your worth. You deserve respect and a safe work environment.
• Clearly and assertively communicate that bullying behavior is unacceptable. Establishing boundaries is crucial for protecting your mental and emotional well-being.
• Document everything! Keep detailed records of all bullying incidents. This documentation is vital if you need to escalate the issue to HR or seek legal advice. Responding to bullying with similar behavior can escalate the situation and harm your case. Maintain professionalism to preserve your reputation and strengthen your position.
• Familiarize yourself with your company's policies on harassment and the legal protections available to you. Understanding your rights empowers you to take appropriate action.
• Don’t navigate workplace bullying alone. Reach out to HR, a trusted supervisor, or external organizations in your country for guidance and assistance.
• Taking steps to address workplace bullying is your right. You deserve a respectful and supportive work environment—don't hesitate to take action to ensure it!

For more insights, tips and strategies related to this topic, be sure to read our other articles: Ready To Quit? Maybe You're Just Bored. Here's How To Fix That & 10 Tactics for Dealing with a Toxic Boss Before Quitting.